Feeling a little more normal in my head, not fuzzy anymore – VERY clear about things – feeling a little depressed actually. It’s quite difficult to feel depressed properly when you have to be chipper for family, maybe that’s a good thing, stops you getting really down.
I guess family will either annoy you, or will be a comfort you long for. 90% of the time I longed for it – when I got very tired, I wanted to be on my own – nothing bad about feeling like that and I certainly didn’t feel bad – all normal I guess.
Talking about being tired – this was something that really got me. I find it difficult to sit down and do nothing anyway, unless I am really into it (i.e. a book or tv programme) I get very restless – so I would move around a lot, get off the bed, shift my position and that made something like going to the toilet really tiring, it would take it out of me and at 37 I still feel quite young but I really felt tired, to a point whereby I just had to lie down.
Bear that in mind, I think I was pushing a bit too hard at times – just give in a little to it, you’re not actually giving in, you are actually helping yourself to rest and heal. Hindsight and all that…
Today was the first time I looked in the mirror. It could have been worse with a scar and I can’t help you with that – I looked at myself and my left side of my face was puffy, my left side of my lip was slanting to the ground as if I had been struck by a stroke, my nose was bloody in my left nostril and I generally looked pretty rough. I didn’t cry or anything – it wasn’t that bad for me. Been used to looking back at ugly for many years anyway!
I did sound awful though – I spoke quite badly – but this was due to the healing plate in my mouth and the numbness of my left cheek and lip. I can’t ready you for how the healing plate will feel, it is something that you will deal with yourself – but if you deal with it badly, let me say now, it becomes INCREDIBLY normal, I think I can promise this one thing, it will be ok! Just remember that, it won’t come quickly, it will take a few weeks – but it will be ok! And each day that passes, you are one step closer to feeling normal and one step further from feeling awkward and uncomfortable.
Anyway, it felt like I had taken the sole out of my shoe, used the heal portion of it (the thick end) and jammed it up into my mouth. If you can imagine that, then you will know that your tongue has much less room to move and as such things don’t sound right and by goodness it certainly didn’t feel right.
Swallowing was also tricky, not a problem, not scary just a little tricky. I sort of had to work up to swallowing, then swallow… hard to describe – again, nothing scary.
Taking sips of water was difficult – but manageable – eating, well you won’t feel like it anyway, but if you did, I reckon it might be too difficult.
Also at this point I had trismus (lock jaw) – my mouth would open to perhaps 1 – 1.5cm from bottom of top teeth to top of bottom teeth. I didn’t really pay this much attention as I wasn’t in need of getting anything into my mouth – so if this is the case for you, ignore it and deal with that in a few days or a week from now.