So last night was the check up that I had been worried about. The good news is that Ceri could see that the ulceration had changed, wasn't as "angry" as before so he isn't worried by it... what a relief! Cancer free for another month!
It's funny because I always have a natter with Ceri before I go, I was obviously quite chuffed inside about the result, but just as I left he said "I'll see you next month" - and then I realise again I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm always on the edge looking out, I really want to be sprinting away from them and never looking back! It's very tiring at times.
It has been a difficult month this one, I just can't explain to you how you feel waiting to know if you have the threat of Cancer again or not. For me, I just don't want to do it again if it ever came back because I know the only real treatment for my type of Cancer is to cut it out, but there is only so much left of my mouth, I would rather keep it.
It's been particularly difficult for my Wife also, she cried a lot last night, out of relief, I think it had built up inside and she just let go all at once. I feel guilty about what all of this has done to people around me, watching those who love you get upset and worry isn't pleasant - I'm sorry about that! It really is the worst thing ever.
The other good news is that Ceri has hopefully expedited the manufacture of my Obturator, so I definitely shouldn't have to wait until May, not sure exactly what and how or when, but I will keep you posted.
Ceri is a great surgeon and Paul must be a good restorative dentist otherwise Ceri wouldn't have put me with him but there is actually from what I have seen an ocean between them. I don't feel like the dentistry side of things fully appreciates the need, the importance, the emotion and the distress of Cancer patients that require dental work - because for me, it is more than just dentistry, yes I need false teeth but I also need a new mouth, I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO MAKE DO. And I am a relatively young man (38 going on 17) and most definitely young for this type of cancer, so I need to have comfort and functionality for the next xx years...
No one knows what this is like unless you have had it done, and that means a dentist can not appreciate what a patient has to put up with or deal with on a daily basis, as far as I am concerned I was promised to have my mouth restored, I mean to have this done, albeit via a prosthetic appliance. One thing that still perplexes me to this day is... why did they do casts of my mouth before they took the cancer out? I can't see anyone comparing anything being made to my original mouth, so what was the point in that?!
There needs to be a realisation that yes, the most single important factor was to remove the cancer, that's done and right now THANKFULLY on the back burner, what's now important and should be equally as important as ridding the cancer was, is to provide me with a mouth that fits, is comfortable and works - I don't want the earth, just a little more urgency and nice piece of plastic.
I now give permission for Christmas to start! ;-)