The last week had been hell, hell hell hell hell. Not knowing is indeed the worse situation to be in. My Wife and I have been so worried, has the cancer spread, will I be ok? Is it on my Lungs? I am going to die! What about my children?
So horrible. I had to go to the doctors a few days back to get some pills to calm me down - I have been a bag of nerves.
My wife and I actually lost a stone between us over the week.
My consultant calls, he is in his car. He's sorry he's not been in touch sooner - but the scans are clear.
PHEW! I actually jumped for joy - I'm now only dealing with the Tumour in my face, which my Consultant is confident he can get out.
Now the planning starts.
I meet with Ceri again and we discuss what's going to happen. I have to have a Maxillectomy. With Cancer, surgeons have to be careful, they can't just take out the Tumour, they need to remove extra to make sure they get all the cells - due to this he is going to have to cut my jaw out, that's some news, cut my actual jaw out!
He tells me that they can put a flap in, which basically means they cut skin from my arm and fill the gap in. He doesn't think this is a good idea at this time, the explanation is this:
Once surgery is complete, I have to see him every month in the first year, every other month in the second year, every three months in the third year, every four months in the fourth year and every five months in the fifth year. Then he discharges me if all is ok. WHAT? I didn't know that was the case, but apparently this is for cancer patients. Shocking.
Anyway, he explains that if I have a flap put in, it means he can't actually see the hole, he can't see if anything in there is changing, he can't see any growths. Where as if I have a prosthetic, I can take it out, he can effectively grab a torch and have a look.
This is a lot to take in really - prosthetic (an Obturator), a skin flap... Fortunately in some ways Ceri decides for me and says that we should go with the Obturator, I can always have surgery another time if I wish.
It's a lot to take in but I trust him - we set the surgery up.